Hermes is known as “Messenger of the Gods” and for being very fast.  Today, Hermes has a job as a UPS truck driver.  He is also known as “God of the Roads”.  He is the fastest driver on the fleet and never gets speeding tickets.  It is also true that Hermes has caused a lot of crashes because he is so good looking.  After word got out that Hermes was a fast driver, he tried out for the Formula One Grand Prix.  He also races in NASCAR, and drives snowmobiles, four wheelers, motorcycles, and go-carts.  He is so good at driving, his car doesn’t need paint because he has so many sponsor stickers on it.  He is filthy rich.  To relax, Hermes enjoys riding on his lawn tractor, spinning doughnuts while mowing the lawn.  He has the fastest mower in the world.

          Last Thursday, I saw Hermes on his lawnmower.  He was chasing cows that belonged to his next door neighbor, Apollo.  Hermes accidentally ran over two of Apollo’s best cows and they turned into hamburger.  Apollo was not pleased to find two cows missing from the herd.  Apollo wanted to talk to Hermes.  He was surprised to find Hermes was having a big barbeque at his house.  Everyone was eating hamburgers.  Apollo was very angry and challenged Hermes to a go-cart race.

          All of the gods were going to participate in the race because it sounded like fun.  When Aries, the “God of War”, entered the race, most of the gods said, ”No fair!  He has spikes on the rims of his wheels!”  Apollo chose his golden go-cart. 

          Zeus  told everyone to stop arguing.  “I am going to win!”  Zeus was going to drive a go-cart powered by lightening bolts.

          Aphrodite said, “Gods!  Start your engines!”

          Hermes’ go-cart went to one hundred miles per hour in one millisecond.  Aries started the race by taking out Poseidon’s fish go-cart.  Hades’ flaming death go-cart crashed on turn one and he blamed Hermes for cutting him off.  Meanwhile, Hermes was battling for the lead with Apollo and Zeus.  Aries was in fourth place.